Last night was a rough night for me. Daniel and I had been packing for a couple of hours, trying to finish the kitchen--which it is, finally--and went to bed exhausted. We crashed at about ten, which may not seem late but it is to an early-morning bus driver and an eight-month pregnant woman. I apparently hadn't been asleep long, though, when I jumped awake, sobbing. I tried to remember why I woke up, but all I could remember was the dream I had been having just before.
I can only recall the few major details of the dream, but essentially I was stuck in a cardboard box. And while I was trying to find a way to get out of this box I realized I could hear someone crying. And it was a scared, needy, desperate cry from a baby. There was no doubt in my mind that the crying was coming from my baby. It kept getting louder and louder, and more and more desperate. It was like something was torturing her. It was probably the most heart-wrenching sound I've ever heard. But no matter how hard I tried I could not get out of that box. I tried beating on it; I tried shaking it; I tried to find where it was taped so I could break through. I felt so helpless--I was abandoning my child, and she needed me so badly! That's when I started crying and woke up.
It was honestly the scariest dream I think I've ever had. I just layed in Daniel's arms, shaking, and sobbed for at least half an hour as he tried to get out of me what was wrong. I couldn't talk, I couldn't breath. All I could think about was the sound of that crying.
It took me several more hours to get back to sleep. I was so shaken that nothing could calm me down. You know how they say to visualize a calm, peaceful atmosphere--like a beach, or the mountains--when you're trying to relax. That's never really worked for me. What does work, however, is imagining stirring a pot; I usually visualize stirring a white sauce, with it getting thicker and thicker as it heats up. Even that old standby was useless for me last night. I was terrified that if I fell back asleep I would hear the crying again.
I realize now that I'm probably just nervous about being a mom--my due date is less than three weeks away, now--and the stress from the moving is probably getting to me as well. A stressed pregnant woman is not a good thing apparently. I still get teary-eyed when I think about that dream, and I can't help cringing.
Has anyone else ever had a dream that just stuck with them? Something that rattled them so badly they couldn't forget it? I'd appreciate any words of wisdom on how to forget about it. It just continues to linger in my mind, no matter what I do!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Facebooking and blogging, and my mother's kitchen
I have several friends who spend a great deal of time on Facebook, and while I have been known to frequent the site (I've even taken a few quizes and added a few applications) I haven't been able to lose myself in it like I used to. In fact, whenever the subject of Facebook comes up I find myself saying "On my blog...," to which my friends reply with confused, and occasionally hostile looks. How dare I confuse blogging with facebooking?!
But I've come to realize that I am a clicker, and that sustains me more than Facebook ever could. I'll usually start reading one person's blog and then click on a link to someone else's until, several clicks later, I'm suddenly reading about the life of a complete stranger living in Brazil. (And that Brazilian blogger is much more addicted to blogging than I am--she posts in both English and Portuguese.) Those random clicks have lead to me to quite a few jewels. I have to remind myself that I'm not actually friends with the people whose blogs I frequent. If I were, I would simply have a link to reach them more easily, instead of going through the grapevines of stranger's blogs to find them whenever I need an update. I feel so weird posting a link to a stranger--like I'm some sort of stalker.
But more than stranger's blogs, I love to read food blogs. Blogs that are meant for new and old readers to devour, and to seek cooking inspiration from. I've got my select few that I read religiously--one is the wonderful Brazilian woman's--and I find myself spending obscene amounts of time reading recipes that I plan to try someday when I have a kitchen large enough, and money enough to fund my expensive ingredient habits.
I've toyed with the idea of starting my own food blog. I have friends who are aspiring photographers and artists who have blogs devoted solely to the purpose of displaying their work. Well, cooking is an art too, isn't it? I could easily justify a food blog with that rationale. But unlike so many of artistic friends, I don't keep track of my work. I never think to write down the modifications I make to recipes so that I can share them, nor do I routinely photograph my food as the world's food-bloggers do. Would I, were I to start my own food blog?
My other qualm with pursuing this new--though simple--venture, is the fact that I think so many of my recent recipes are boring! Because we're so tight on money right now--and have been for several months--I haven't had the chance to explore interesting recipes like I want to. So I stick to my predictable meals, simple and satisfying, while I pray for the opportunity to cook how I want.
Speaking of cooking how I want, cooking at my mom's house is probably one of the most enjoyable experiences I've yet to have. She's never lacking for ingredients: she always has at least three different kinds of vinegar, an endless supply of stable and exotic spices, a plentiful supply of pots and pans, one or two good knives (wait a couple years and I'm sure Grandpa will get her some new ones so she'll have several good knives for about a year, until the family lets their blades dull), and the best environment to cook in. There's always something happening at my parents' house, and you can't beat an exciting home when it comes to cooking. There's always someone to taste your sauce, or tell you if you've overcooked the meat. And when the fire alarm goes off unexpectedly, there's a plan of action set in place.
So my ideal situation: my mom's kitchen in my parents' house, a scribe to record my recipe alterations, and a photographer to make my food look good. Once I have those I can start a food blog. Or maybe I'll consider it sooner than that.
But I've come to realize that I am a clicker, and that sustains me more than Facebook ever could. I'll usually start reading one person's blog and then click on a link to someone else's until, several clicks later, I'm suddenly reading about the life of a complete stranger living in Brazil. (And that Brazilian blogger is much more addicted to blogging than I am--she posts in both English and Portuguese.) Those random clicks have lead to me to quite a few jewels. I have to remind myself that I'm not actually friends with the people whose blogs I frequent. If I were, I would simply have a link to reach them more easily, instead of going through the grapevines of stranger's blogs to find them whenever I need an update. I feel so weird posting a link to a stranger--like I'm some sort of stalker.
But more than stranger's blogs, I love to read food blogs. Blogs that are meant for new and old readers to devour, and to seek cooking inspiration from. I've got my select few that I read religiously--one is the wonderful Brazilian woman's--and I find myself spending obscene amounts of time reading recipes that I plan to try someday when I have a kitchen large enough, and money enough to fund my expensive ingredient habits.
I've toyed with the idea of starting my own food blog. I have friends who are aspiring photographers and artists who have blogs devoted solely to the purpose of displaying their work. Well, cooking is an art too, isn't it? I could easily justify a food blog with that rationale. But unlike so many of artistic friends, I don't keep track of my work. I never think to write down the modifications I make to recipes so that I can share them, nor do I routinely photograph my food as the world's food-bloggers do. Would I, were I to start my own food blog?
My other qualm with pursuing this new--though simple--venture, is the fact that I think so many of my recent recipes are boring! Because we're so tight on money right now--and have been for several months--I haven't had the chance to explore interesting recipes like I want to. So I stick to my predictable meals, simple and satisfying, while I pray for the opportunity to cook how I want.
Speaking of cooking how I want, cooking at my mom's house is probably one of the most enjoyable experiences I've yet to have. She's never lacking for ingredients: she always has at least three different kinds of vinegar, an endless supply of stable and exotic spices, a plentiful supply of pots and pans, one or two good knives (wait a couple years and I'm sure Grandpa will get her some new ones so she'll have several good knives for about a year, until the family lets their blades dull), and the best environment to cook in. There's always something happening at my parents' house, and you can't beat an exciting home when it comes to cooking. There's always someone to taste your sauce, or tell you if you've overcooked the meat. And when the fire alarm goes off unexpectedly, there's a plan of action set in place.
So my ideal situation: my mom's kitchen in my parents' house, a scribe to record my recipe alterations, and a photographer to make my food look good. Once I have those I can start a food blog. Or maybe I'll consider it sooner than that.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Salt Flat Pictures
Last weekend we went with Daniel's family out to the Salt Flats and had his sister take some family pictures for us. We did some of our engagement pictures out there last year so we figured it would be a good way to celebrate our (approximate) one year anniversary.
And, because I'm three weeks away from popping a baby, I figured it might be good to post a few pictures to actually prove I'm growing. So here's me at 36 weeks, bulging at the belly and slightly puffy everywhere else.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Senior year of high school
Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!! At the end, choose 10 people (or more) to be tagged.
1. Did you date someone from your school? For a few months at the end, yeah.
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? Nope!
3. Did you carpool to school? I drove Caitlin junior year and Katie senior year. I don’t think either of them were particularly fond of my ride, though.
4. What kind of car did you have? ’79 F150, lovingly called “The Beast” by anyone who knew it well. It made Junker of the Year at Massaponax, which tells you a lot about what kind of condition it was in.
5. What kind of car do you have now? ’91 Chevy Blazer—a real step up! I actually have air conditioning now, but I still don’t have a rear view mirror.
6. Its Saturday night in HS...where are you? Working: walking tours of Historic Fredericksburg. Or with Mike.
7. It is Saturday night now...where are you? With my husband, usually hanging out at Jessica and Brennan’s.
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? I had a couple. I was a hostess for a restaurant that got not business, I did walking tours of Historic Fredericksburg, and I cut fabric for an online quilting supplier (that was my favorite job.)
9. What kind of job do you do now? Cook, clean, read, and lately I’ve devoted quite a bit of time to packing!
10. Were you a party animal? I think I went to maybe one party my entire high school career.
11. Were you considered a flirt? Not really. I kind of steered clear of guys for the most part. Mike Hendry was a fluke.
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? I devoted my efforts to the school newspaper, but I ate lunch with the band geeks.
13. Were you a nerd? I didn’t think so, but probably.
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? That would require doing something wrong. I was a people pleaser.
15. Can you sing the fight song? I had to look online to see if Massaponax even had a fight song. Apparently they do!
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? I kind of thought my teachers were stupid, but I liked Ms. McCrum and Ms. Christopher more or less.
17. Where did you sit during lunch? In the senior lunchroom, with the band geeks. Or in the publications room, depending on deadline.
18. What was your school's full name? Massaponax High School
20. What was your school mascot? Panther
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? You would have to pay me a LOT to do high school again.
22. Did you have fun at Prom? Not really. My date didn’t like to dance.
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? Once in awhile we exchange emails or facebook messages, but not much else. He knows I’m pregnant though—that was kind a shocker I think.
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Yeah. Right…
I tag all of my readers. I think there are only about two of you, but oh well.
1. Did you date someone from your school? For a few months at the end, yeah.
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? Nope!
3. Did you carpool to school? I drove Caitlin junior year and Katie senior year. I don’t think either of them were particularly fond of my ride, though.
4. What kind of car did you have? ’79 F150, lovingly called “The Beast” by anyone who knew it well. It made Junker of the Year at Massaponax, which tells you a lot about what kind of condition it was in.
5. What kind of car do you have now? ’91 Chevy Blazer—a real step up! I actually have air conditioning now, but I still don’t have a rear view mirror.
6. Its Saturday night in HS...where are you? Working: walking tours of Historic Fredericksburg. Or with Mike.
7. It is Saturday night now...where are you? With my husband, usually hanging out at Jessica and Brennan’s.
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? I had a couple. I was a hostess for a restaurant that got not business, I did walking tours of Historic Fredericksburg, and I cut fabric for an online quilting supplier (that was my favorite job.)
9. What kind of job do you do now? Cook, clean, read, and lately I’ve devoted quite a bit of time to packing!
10. Were you a party animal? I think I went to maybe one party my entire high school career.
11. Were you considered a flirt? Not really. I kind of steered clear of guys for the most part. Mike Hendry was a fluke.
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? I devoted my efforts to the school newspaper, but I ate lunch with the band geeks.
13. Were you a nerd? I didn’t think so, but probably.
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? That would require doing something wrong. I was a people pleaser.
15. Can you sing the fight song? I had to look online to see if Massaponax even had a fight song. Apparently they do!
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? I kind of thought my teachers were stupid, but I liked Ms. McCrum and Ms. Christopher more or less.
17. Where did you sit during lunch? In the senior lunchroom, with the band geeks. Or in the publications room, depending on deadline.
18. What was your school's full name? Massaponax High School
20. What was your school mascot? Panther
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? You would have to pay me a LOT to do high school again.
22. Did you have fun at Prom? Not really. My date didn’t like to dance.
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? Once in awhile we exchange emails or facebook messages, but not much else. He knows I’m pregnant though—that was kind a shocker I think.
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Yeah. Right…
I tag all of my readers. I think there are only about two of you, but oh well.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Some days are good days...
and Saturday was definitely a good day. That was the day we found out our application was approved and we got the house! Basically I wanted to hug everyone in sight (which would have been quite a feat because we were at Costco on a Saturday afternoon when we found out.) There was a little bit of trouble getting a hold of our current apartment manager--who is a dreadful woman who makes everything difficult anyway--but in the end the landlord went off the word of my old apartment "manager" in Provo. I didn't exactly mention that Laura was also my roommate who was "managing" as a favor to her father's friend in exchange for cheaper rent. But we're good tenants regardless, so it doesn't really matter.
And we got new phones on Saturday, as well. So now we're both officially off our parents family plans (I know, I know--it only took us a year of marriage...) and have our own plan. Woohoo! The best part is that we did it through Costco and didn't have to pay any initiation fees and we both got $100+ value phones for free! We also got $70 off our first bill and found out Daniel gets a state employee discount. I repeat: it was a good day. If you're thinking about getting a new phone plan, do it through Costco. And if you don't have a Costco membership, shame on you. Don't you know they have the best deals on milk and bread? That alone is worth it.
And we got new phones on Saturday, as well. So now we're both officially off our parents family plans (I know, I know--it only took us a year of marriage...) and have our own plan. Woohoo! The best part is that we did it through Costco and didn't have to pay any initiation fees and we both got $100+ value phones for free! We also got $70 off our first bill and found out Daniel gets a state employee discount. I repeat: it was a good day. If you're thinking about getting a new phone plan, do it through Costco. And if you don't have a Costco membership, shame on you. Don't you know they have the best deals on milk and bread? That alone is worth it.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Sorry for the long absence. There's a reason I haven't been keeping up with my blog, and it's a good one--I swear.
See, for months Daniel and I have been trying to figure out why we moved into our current apartment in the first place. We've narrowed it down to one reason: we were desperate for a place to live! We had just gotten back from our second summer in Jackson and didn't have a home. So we took the first thing we could find in our price range. And it ended up being a huge disaster.
We hate that apartment, and since I've finished school and been home all day (everyday) I've come to loathe it with every fiber of my being. Frankly, it's disgusting.
So, we talked our manager into letting us sublease our apartment (even though there's a clause forbidding that in our lease agreement) so that we don't have to move out when the lease is up in August--when we have a brand new baby.
Finally, with permission to sublease, all we had to do was find a lessor. Easy, right? NOPE! Turns out other people are much smarter than us and saw our little dump for what it is. But we finally found someone who is as desperate as we were back in August and they signed a lease. (They're LDS, so I made sure to mention that the ward we're in is AMAZING. Which it is. That's about one of the only things I've like about living there.)
So now we have a few weeks to find a new home! Time is much more on our side this time, though, so we're being careful. Because I have the luxury of time, I've developed a few criteria that have to be met.
First, it must be clean. I mean no excessive unidentifiable spots on the carpet. (A few are understandable, but every foot or so? Not happening.) No thick layers of grime caked on the blinds (so thick and gross that not even undiluted bleach and steel wool will take it off.) And nothing left in the bathroom drawers (like used razors) and kitchen cupboards (like cookie crumbs.)
Second, it must have washer and dryer hookups. And I will be getting a washing machine that works. I don't want to offend anyone, but I have no intention of continuing to go to my in-laws once a week to do laundry...especially with a newborn baby. I'll be doing it at home, thank you. On my own time.
Third--and I know this shows how spoiled I really am, but I'm going to say it anyway--I want a reliable cooling unit. Daniel was raised with no air conditioning, so he can function with large numbers of fans around the house. But I have no little tolerance for clutter. And fans all over the floor, teetering on stacked boxes, and on my countertops... well, that's clutter! Plus, I want to be able to regulate my baby's temperature easily, cus (let's face it) babies aren't exactly easy.
So, with my guidelines set (in stone) I have been spending my precious little time on the library's internet (allowing no time to update!) combing through craigslist, ksl, and various other websites and classifieds searching for something that meets our needs. And I found it. It's perfect.
It's a small duplex in Salt Lake City proper, about ten minutes from Daniel's work, and it simply screams "home." Technically, it's a one-bedroom duplex, but only because the "den" doesn't have a closet and the window is too small to classify it as a second bedroom. But it just happens to be the perfect size to fit a crib and changing table! (Both of which my Mom got us for graduation when she was here a few weeks ago.) And it has small nooks and crannies all over the house--a little food storage here, a little there...
It even has a basement! Granted, it's unfinished, but it's more than plenty of room to store all of our stuff that has been kept in the closet of our second bedroom until now. It even has a coal shoot sloping down from one window from when the house was built. Quaint, no?
It's clean--the landlord has definitely kept up with it--and they hadn't even had someone in to professionally clean the carpets when we saw it yesterday. It has awesome tile countertops--so they haven't been cut and scratched with constant wear and tear--and tall oak cupboards that go all the way to the ceiling!
As for my three crucial criteria: Clean? Check! Washer and dryer hookups? Check! (Although it will be interesting to see how Daniel and our buddies will get a washer and dryer down the oh-so-charming spiral staircase that goes to the basement). Reliable cooling unit? Check! Even though the building was built in the twenties, the landlord installed a new air conditioning unit in the last ten years and it works great!
(If you're done reading about the duplex, I understand. But just because I'm so happy with finding it, I'm going to continue to list the good points.)
It's in a real residential neighborhood--not a row of apartment buildings--and the homes on the street are beautiful brick houses with front porches sporting hammocks and rocking chairs, and they all well-kept yards and lawns. And the best part? The street has a name! Browning Avenue. I'll have a normal address--not just coordinates! (For those who don't know, most of Utah is set up in a grid system so homes have addresses like "8550 South 300 East" or "650 North 700 East.")
I'll also have a real mailbox! I won't have to use a key to get into my minuscule mail cavity like I have been for years. And it's white. And it's right at the edge of my--get this--yard. Yep. Fifteen whole square feet of clean, crisp grass in front, with more off to the side. Mr. Landlord says it makes a great vegetable garden. Bliss!
And probably the most awesome part about it? Rent is $55 less than what we're paying now for our little dump in Sandy! And the utilities are the same, so we don't have to worry about an increase there. It's just as close to Walmart and Costco as our current place, so I won't be spending any more on gas either! That means we'll have $55 extra a month to spend on diapers. A-maze-ing.
Here's the catch. We don't know if we got it or not.
We filled out an application before we even left the unit. And I know for a fact we were the first people to get our application in. The previous tenant moved out on Wednesday, and the landlord couldn't show it to anyone until 6pm yesterday. We were there at 5:50 pm and met him at the door. So we're hoping...
With that, I'm going to go pretend I'm not mentally positioning furniture while I wait to hear from the landlord.
See, for months Daniel and I have been trying to figure out why we moved into our current apartment in the first place. We've narrowed it down to one reason: we were desperate for a place to live! We had just gotten back from our second summer in Jackson and didn't have a home. So we took the first thing we could find in our price range. And it ended up being a huge disaster.
We hate that apartment, and since I've finished school and been home all day (everyday) I've come to loathe it with every fiber of my being. Frankly, it's disgusting.
So, we talked our manager into letting us sublease our apartment (even though there's a clause forbidding that in our lease agreement) so that we don't have to move out when the lease is up in August--when we have a brand new baby.
Finally, with permission to sublease, all we had to do was find a lessor. Easy, right? NOPE! Turns out other people are much smarter than us and saw our little dump for what it is. But we finally found someone who is as desperate as we were back in August and they signed a lease. (They're LDS, so I made sure to mention that the ward we're in is AMAZING. Which it is. That's about one of the only things I've like about living there.)
So now we have a few weeks to find a new home! Time is much more on our side this time, though, so we're being careful. Because I have the luxury of time, I've developed a few criteria that have to be met.
First, it must be clean. I mean no excessive unidentifiable spots on the carpet. (A few are understandable, but every foot or so? Not happening.) No thick layers of grime caked on the blinds (so thick and gross that not even undiluted bleach and steel wool will take it off.) And nothing left in the bathroom drawers (like used razors) and kitchen cupboards (like cookie crumbs.)
Second, it must have washer and dryer hookups. And I will be getting a washing machine that works. I don't want to offend anyone, but I have no intention of continuing to go to my in-laws once a week to do laundry...especially with a newborn baby. I'll be doing it at home, thank you. On my own time.
Third--and I know this shows how spoiled I really am, but I'm going to say it anyway--I want a reliable cooling unit. Daniel was raised with no air conditioning, so he can function with large numbers of fans around the house. But I have no little tolerance for clutter. And fans all over the floor, teetering on stacked boxes, and on my countertops... well, that's clutter! Plus, I want to be able to regulate my baby's temperature easily, cus (let's face it) babies aren't exactly easy.
So, with my guidelines set (in stone) I have been spending my precious little time on the library's internet (allowing no time to update!) combing through craigslist, ksl, and various other websites and classifieds searching for something that meets our needs. And I found it. It's perfect.
It's a small duplex in Salt Lake City proper, about ten minutes from Daniel's work, and it simply screams "home." Technically, it's a one-bedroom duplex, but only because the "den" doesn't have a closet and the window is too small to classify it as a second bedroom. But it just happens to be the perfect size to fit a crib and changing table! (Both of which my Mom got us for graduation when she was here a few weeks ago.) And it has small nooks and crannies all over the house--a little food storage here, a little there...
It even has a basement! Granted, it's unfinished, but it's more than plenty of room to store all of our stuff that has been kept in the closet of our second bedroom until now. It even has a coal shoot sloping down from one window from when the house was built. Quaint, no?
It's clean--the landlord has definitely kept up with it--and they hadn't even had someone in to professionally clean the carpets when we saw it yesterday. It has awesome tile countertops--so they haven't been cut and scratched with constant wear and tear--and tall oak cupboards that go all the way to the ceiling!
As for my three crucial criteria: Clean? Check! Washer and dryer hookups? Check! (Although it will be interesting to see how Daniel and our buddies will get a washer and dryer down the oh-so-charming spiral staircase that goes to the basement). Reliable cooling unit? Check! Even though the building was built in the twenties, the landlord installed a new air conditioning unit in the last ten years and it works great!
(If you're done reading about the duplex, I understand. But just because I'm so happy with finding it, I'm going to continue to list the good points.)
It's in a real residential neighborhood--not a row of apartment buildings--and the homes on the street are beautiful brick houses with front porches sporting hammocks and rocking chairs, and they all well-kept yards and lawns. And the best part? The street has a name! Browning Avenue. I'll have a normal address--not just coordinates! (For those who don't know, most of Utah is set up in a grid system so homes have addresses like "8550 South 300 East" or "650 North 700 East.")
I'll also have a real mailbox! I won't have to use a key to get into my minuscule mail cavity like I have been for years. And it's white. And it's right at the edge of my--get this--yard. Yep. Fifteen whole square feet of clean, crisp grass in front, with more off to the side. Mr. Landlord says it makes a great vegetable garden. Bliss!
And probably the most awesome part about it? Rent is $55 less than what we're paying now for our little dump in Sandy! And the utilities are the same, so we don't have to worry about an increase there. It's just as close to Walmart and Costco as our current place, so I won't be spending any more on gas either! That means we'll have $55 extra a month to spend on diapers. A-maze-ing.
Here's the catch. We don't know if we got it or not.
We filled out an application before we even left the unit. And I know for a fact we were the first people to get our application in. The previous tenant moved out on Wednesday, and the landlord couldn't show it to anyone until 6pm yesterday. We were there at 5:50 pm and met him at the door. So we're hoping...
With that, I'm going to go pretend I'm not mentally positioning furniture while I wait to hear from the landlord.
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